


TAZ: Found Footage

by Herbgerblin (TheEverlastingRandom)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Cryptids, Elf, Everyone is still human, Fluffy Moments, Gen, IPRE + Kravitz and Angus, Mystery, Think Buzzfeed Unsolved’ meets ‘Until Dawn’, a lot of shenanigans, but they don’t use magic, etc - Freeform, gnome - Freeform, horror but there's more comedy involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-11-26 17:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18183680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEverlastingRandom/pseuds/Herbgerblin
Summary: Some Chucklefucks went into the woods once and thought they could capture some ghosts on camera. These are their stories.





	1. 5:00pm: Walking the Mountain Trail

__

_*We can see the image of a forest coming in and out of focus. Then the frame moves around as, from the perspective of the video camera, Taako’s pensive face comes into view. He seemingly fiddles with the thing for a moment before turning it back around to face everyone else. A group of people can be seen walking around Taako, all of whom are wearing backpacks and holding an assortment of camping/hiking equipment. The sun has already begun it’s slow descent toward the horizon. The forest around them looks like it is on the cusp of fall.*_

_*The camera pans to the left, and we see Lup keeping in pace with Taako.*_

**Taako, to Lup:** Alright. Lup. Tell us what we got. What exactly are we doing up here in good ole, bum-fuck nowhere?

 **Lup, looking straight ahead:**  Well, we’re hiking, natch. Weathers good, nobody’s dead yet. We had a pretty short drive to get here. But the actual hiking part took a forever, partly because Magnus had to pet the ranger’s dog for like, 30 minutes.

 **Magnus,** **out of view of the camera:**  He’s a protector of wild life, an agent of the law, and an all-around good boy! I had to tell him he was doing an excellent job!

 **Lup, still in focus:**  But we didn’t lose too much time. We should reach camp in like, what, two hours?  _*The camera pans over to Davenport, who is a few steps ahead of Lup.*_

 **Davenport, looking at a large map in his hands:** We’re making fairly good time. Give ‘er take an hour and a half.  _*The camera goes back to Lup*_

 **Lup:**  Nice! _And if we’re lucky_ , maybe we can sneak in a few death crimes before sundown!

 **Kravitz, not in view:** No, we’re  _not._

 **Lup, s** **mirking and leaning in closer to the frame:** _*mock whispering*_ We’re definitely doing death crimes.

 **Kravtiz:**   _*Still off camera*_  No. 

_*The camera pans quickly over to Kravitz, who’s walking a short distance in front of them. He’s looking back with an annoyed expression on his face. Magnus is seen at least ten meters ahead of all of them, a little out of focus. Magnus waves to the camera enthusiastically. Lup is heard chuckling and the camera pans back over to her.*_

**Lup, looking over her shoulder:**  Hey, Babe! How many death crimes are we doing on this trip?  _*The camera pans back to the trail them and there’s Barry, a few feet behind. He looks up from a notebook in his hands.*_

 **Barry:** At least three.

 **Kravitz:** No, we’re NOT!

 **Lup:**  Sweet! Three sounds like a good number. With any luck we’ll find maybe a dead animal carcass and maybe some fairy crosses and we can get this bitch started!  _*The camera pans back over to Kravitz and zooms in on his disapproving face. Taako is heard chuckling.*_

_*The camera moves back to the back of the group and zooms in on Merle, who is at least twenty meters behind the entire group. Merle is clearly tired and breathless. He walks a few feet and pauses to hunch over, hands on knees.*_

**Magnus:** _*From all the way up at the front*_ You doing alright, Old Man? You want us to take a break?

 **Taako:** You–  _*He starts cackling*_  You wanna take a nap on the trail? I’m sure we can find you some old, dried leaves for you to sleep under. You can hibernate here if you want.  _*He wheezes*_  I’m sure that’s what you do this time of year, anyway.  _*Magnus is heard laughing from the front*_

 **Merle, standing back up an walking again:** Oh har har! Laugh it up! I bet you won’t be laughing when I’m administering ointment for poison ivy on your sorry asses! I’m the only one around here who knows which plants are which!

 **Lup:** Oh, we are  _def_  looking for some mad shrooms while we’re here. Can’t have a fun hiking adventure without getting a little bit twisted!  _*the camera turns back to the front*_

 **Davenport, folding the map back up:** Lucretia should be caught up with us any minute now. It’s a good thing she went back to get that cooler before all our perishables went bad.

 **Magnus:** That was my goof!

 **Taako, muttering:** Like hell it was.

_*The camera turns to the right and takes in some of the forest. It is very peaceful, and beautiful in the early afternoon. After a still moment, the camera moves back and forth, just a little bit frantically.*_

**Taako:**  Wait, where’s Ango?

 **Magnus, calling back:** He found some animal tracks that looked off and said he wanted to investigate. He said he’d be back in about ten minutes.

 **Kravtiz, no longer walking:** You let a small child go off into the woods!?  _*The camera also seems to stop moving, and Magnus is brought back into focus. He has his hands on his hips.*_

 **Magnus:**  He’s a smart boy detective! He’ll find his way back...Either that or the bears will get ‘im, but no harm either way. 

 **Merle, responding from behind:** Circle of life!

 **Taako:** Dammit, if we lose a kid to the woods, we are going to have some shitty PR on our hands.

 **Magnus:**  A bear or two in life is good for a growing boy. How to you think I became the big, beefy man I am today? 

_*There is a rustling sound coming the side. The camera quickly turns around and we see large brush and grasses shaking as someone approaches. All sounds of foot steps on the trail come to an abrupt pause.*_

_*A small boy suddenly pops out of the foliage, followed by an older woman holding a large cooler. They are also set up in hiking gear. Angus runs up to the camera, his excited face almost taking up the whole frame.*_

**Angus:**  I found some nifty trail marks, sir! They look like they follow alongside the exact same trail we’re going! They’re much bigger than human or elf tracks!

 **Taako:** Then it’s a good thing you didn’t run into whatever made those tracks, aye Mango? We’d have to mark you down with one of the cryptids out here!  _*Taako’s hand reaches up and pulls Angus’s hat over his eyes. Angus readjusts himself and struggles to keep hold on a large book in his hands*_

 **Angus:**  Madame Lucretia is going to show me how to log our journey while we’re here, I can’t wait!  _*The camera moves up to see Lucretia smiling softly, then follows as she walks in line with everyone else.*_

 **Lucretia:**  I think we’re all good from here on out. Let’s get to base as soon as possible.  _*Davenport nods approvingly and they all start moving once more. Merle, having taken the short pause to catch a few breaths, has finally caught up to everyone else’s pace.*_

 **Taako:**  All right, the gangs all here. I guess it’s time to unveil the real reason we came out here to Pan’s playground, with not a chili’s in sight. Care to elaborate the sitch, Lup?   _*The camera turns back to Lup*_

 **Lup, adjusting her backpack nonchalantly:**  Why of course, my good bro. You see…there’s a bit of a rumor that out here is a…a structure of certain…reputable nature, built somewhere off course of this lovely trail. It’s said to be ancient as fuck and  _mad haunted._   _*She wiggles her fingers in a spooky manner at Angus. He holds up his book in front of him to avoid any sneak attack tickles. Taako muffles a short laugh.*_

 **Taako, continuing the report:**  We’ve been contracted–well, a few of us, the rest have just tagged along for shits and giggles–BAROLD.  _*the camera shoots to Barry*_

 **Barry, crossing his arms:**  Are you really going to investigate an abandoned lodge without a modicum of expertise!  _*Lup lets herself fall back a step so she can walk alongside Barry*_

 **Magnus, out of view:**  I’ve seen The Shining!  _*the camera pans back to him and he’s holding up two large fists*_  I know how to duke it out with a ghost!

 **Lucretia:**  If I recall correctly, you watched The Shining with your eyes covered half the time, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there.  _*She pats him on the arm*_

 **Magnus** :…Hey–listen!

 **Taako, cutting both of them off:**  ANYWAY. We’ve be offered a VERY COMFORTABLE SUM to make sure this place is both up to code and not crawling with dead uglies. Plus, the potential proprietor of said location offered a package deal of a two night stay at one of the swankier places around here once the job is done. And  _Istus knows_  I’m going to need a vaycay after this shindig.

 **Magnus:** Who would imagine a Fantasy Costco up atop a mountain range?

 **Merle:** Some  _up-to-no-good_  fucker, that’s who.

 **Kravitz:**  But, honestly though. The fuck? This is a beautiful trail and all, but not necessarily the most viable place to put a convenience store.

 **Magnus:**  Maybe it’s one of those situations where it’s not about the convenience of the store, but the  _exclusivity._ Rich people love hard-to-access shit.

 **Merle:**  An inconvenience store…

 **Taako, under his breath:**  S _o stupid. *The camera moves further up the trail as Taako walks up to Kravitz’s side*_  How about that two night deal, though. I’m sure someone’s ready to have a nice night in a hot tub under the stars, aye handsome?

 **Kravtiz, his face appearing a bit flustered:** Well, I–

 **Lup, not in frame:** GET A ROOM, DORKS!  _*the camera whips back over to her. Her arm is already slung affectionately around Barry’s waist. Taako’s hand appears in the frame, quickly flipping her off, before the camera returns back towards the front.*_

 **Taako, sighing dramatically:** We are in the fucking woods, Lulu. I don’t see a five star hotel to check into round here!

 **Magnus, distantly:**  Yo! Look up ahead! 

_*The camera snaps to attention, following the thru-line of where Magnus is pointing, moving upward and to the left. The frame goes hazy as the camera attempts to refocus, and the sounds of intrigued noises is heard. The image becomes clearer, and in the frame we see what looks like a open section of forest, closer to the top of the mountain, and a large building emerging from within.*_

_*The structure is still a long, steep distance away. But even from here it’s clear to see that the paint on the hard wood and brick frame of the abandoned lodge is broken and darkened with harsh weather. broken poles and window frames hang lifelessly. It stands ominous, soundless, yet beckoning. A loose wind ripples the top of the trees surrounding it. The sun tips over the edge of the mountain, it’s descent threatening to shroud the base in shadow.*_

**Lucretia, waving to everyone else:** We should get moving before it gets dark.  _*the camera pans to her, then to everyone else, then lowers. There is a shuffling noise*_

 **Taako, out of frame:**  I should change the batteries on this thing before we get there. No way in hell I’m not getting a good recording of this!

_*There is a click, and the camera turns off*_


	2. 6:45pm: Exploring the Lodge

_*There is a click noise, and light pours into to what was moments before, a screen of blackness. After a second of fuzziness, the frame clears and we see a closer look at the ominous structure that was spotted mere hours ago.*_

_It is clear to see that the lodge was, at one point, very beautiful and full of life. There are strong wooden beans holding up a large, modern roof. A large patio designed to feature a lot of outdoor furniture, juts over a particular ledge, creating a breath-taking view of the other mountains. Outdoor staircases lead to upper levels._

_But rot and decay have claimed a few of the wooden floorboards. Ragged weeds have overcome the walls, and the shrubbery has grown out of the hand. Some of the windows have remained intact, but a few appear to be broken in. A sign of the place’_ _s name hangs lopped-sided over the main door frame. Time has chipped and rubbed away some of the letters. All that’s left of it says **“Am-e-ty L-dg–”**_

_Lup walks into the frame. She plants a solid foot on the short staircase that leads to the front of the open patio, testing how sturdy it is. It makes a rusty groaning sound. She places her hands on her hips and looks at the camera.*_

**Taako, from behind the camera:** Creaky staircase?

 **Lup:**  Check!

 **Taako:**  Ominous atmosphere?

 **Lup:**  Check!

 **Taako:**  No sign of immediate help and/or a fantasy Starbucks within a ten mile radius?

 **Lup:**  Check!

 **Taako:** Well, we’re here boys!  _*the camera immediately whips back around and we can see the rest of the group gathered around in a semi-circle. They are all looking up at the lodge and taking it in dubiously. The camera zooms in on Barry* –_ Ten bucks says Barry goes missing first!

 **Barry:** Hey! 

 **Lup, from behind Taako:** Fifteen on Merle!

 **Merle:** That’s fair.  _*He shrugs*_

 **Kravitz:** Ten on…Magnus accidentally leading us into a trap.  _*Magnus also shrugs*_

 **Barry:** Ten says…Taako pisses off some angry spirit.

 **Taako:**  Fifteen…I  _seduce_  the angry spirit.

 **Lup:**  Twenty I seduce it first!

 **Magnus:** Twenty on me finding a  _secret corridor!_

 **Lucretia:** Ten says secret corridor  _is_  said trap.

 **Davenport:** Five for each person who fails to clean out their bunk after we finish this thing. Now can we go inside!

 **Taako:**  I have the bets recorded for posterity so be ready to fork over the cash when the time comes!

 **Angus:** Bu-but, I didn’t get to make any bets!

 **Magnus:**  Leaving the gambling to the grown folks, kid. Never know what kinda chances we’ll have going on tonight.

_*The camera pans back and forth, taking in the inside of the lodge. It doesn’t look much better. Most of the furniture and trappings have already been removed, aside from one large table, a canvas covered couch, and two or three old chairs. There a great number of doors leading to different rooms. Two stair cases flank opposite sides of a center fireplace. Some of the large windows are boarded up, but there are a few the peek out to the patio._

_*The group tap their feet around the floor boards, checking for any soft spots, but the wood remains solid. Taako’s face comes into view of the frame, as he gingerly turns the camera around to face the direction they all entered. The camera is placed on the mantel of the empty fair place, and we see him step back and take a good look of the large room with everyone else._

_*Lup off highhandedly flicks a light switch. At first nothing happens, but then a light bulb near the entrance to another room flickers on*_

**Lup:** Oh dope! There’s actually electricity flowing through this place!

 **Davenport:** There might be a backup generator some where around here that’s still keeping things hooked up. We outta keep the lights and stuff off in case of an emergency.  _*Lup nods and flips the switch back off*_

 **Lucretia:** I’ll go look for a storage closet, see if we can’t clean this place up a bit.

_*They all spread out and start doing various tasks. Lucretia goes down a nearby hallway with the cooler. Davenport and Kravitz exit through a side door that seems to lead to a second patio. Magnus moves some furniture around. Merle plops down in one of the chairs to rest. Angus pulls out a magnifying glass and starts inspecting some of the other rooms. Lup and Barry start rooting through their backpacks and pull out a wide variety of strange gadgets and gizmos.*_

**Lup:** Oh nooo.  _*She stops rooting through her pack*_  Shit, I think I forgot it.  _*she stands up with a disappointed expression*_

 **Taako:**  Forgot what Lulu?

 **Lup:**  My old Polaroid? You know, the one I pilfered from that dumb hipster party at that one dude’s house…

 **Taako:**  You mean the one where the DJ’s setup was on an ironing board?

 **Lup:** Yeah, that one! I wanted to bring my Polaroid to take photos. I thought this would be a great atmosphere to do so! But…I guess I left it on the counter at home.

 **Barry:** No, you didn’t.  _*He pulls a small, peach-colored camera bag from his equipment bag and hands it gingerly over to Lup. She gasps excitedly and pulls him into a hug*_

 **Lup:** You’re perfect, you know that?  _*She plants a big kiss on his face and he chuckles. They all continue to unpack their things._ _Taako pulls a fold-able tripod out of his bag and glances over at Barry.*_

 **Taako:**  You ready to listen to some ghost tunes my man?

 **Barry:** Oh. Ummm.  _*He gestures to a particular device with a small light screens and attached microphone nearby*_  Well, this spirit box supposed to pick up a variety of EVPs so any non-environmental sounds might–

 **Magnus, cutting in:**  I brought my bluetooth! I already queued a playlist to fit our spooky atmosphere!  _*He hurries to his own bag and pull out a mini speaker*_  I’ve got  _Thriller_ , I’ve got  _What’s New Scooby Doo–_

 **Merle:**  Do you have  _Bobby Pickett’s Monster Mash?_

 **Magnus:**  Uhhh…

 **Barry:**  That might make it a bit hard to listen out for–

 **Taako:**  You got the Ghostbuster’s theme?

 **Magnus:**  Yeah, I know I have that one!  _*He flicks through the playlist on his phone*_ I’ve got…both the original and the reboot!

 **Taako:**  Excellent! Excellent, which one do you recommend?

 **Magnus:** Well…I’m always a man of the classics. The reboot has some definite  _fat beats_ , but it’s better suited for a wider atmosphere with better acoustics. This particular locality would probably do good with some old fashioned, juicy beats.

 **Taako:**  Alright, alright. Go juicy, my man. 

 **Magnus, hesitating:**  Wait, Barry, you…wanted to listen to some ghost biz? We definitely can wait a few hours before we crank things up?

 **Barry:**  Nah, it’s fine, it’s fine. I doubt there’s be a lot of paranormal activity going on with so much sun left in the day, you can go ahead and play something. I’ve still got to set up my monitor anyway.  _*Magnus nods enthusiastically and sets his speaker on the dusty table. He fiddles with his phone. The Ghostbusters Theme starts playing, filling the space. Angus appears out of a new side door and hurries over to Taako.*_

 **Angus:**  The kitchen is just through those double doors, sir! Madame Lucretia and I already put the cooler and canned goods inside. It’s fairly clean despite the lack of appliances. And there’s an old gas stove that still plugged up!

 **Taako:**  It’s too bad we can’t use it, Little Man, what with the sketchy electrical system.  _*Kravitz and Davenport re-enter the lounge, both carrying heavy objects.*_

 **Kravtiz, pushing the door open with a shoulder:**  Well, that’s not going to be to much of a problem for us!  _*He sets down a decent sized camping stove. Davenport is lugging a gallon of what appears to be petrol. He places it carefully by the stove, and stand up to rub his back. Kavitz rubs some dust off his rolled up his sleeves.*_  We found a maintenance room for what appeared to be this section of the lodge. The electrical system is currently on a backup generator that’s gas powered, and there still quite a few gallons left for usage.

 **Davenport:** We brought this stuff back in case the power happens to go out anyway. We only found one fuse box, and it didn’t look blown out or anything, so feel free to turn on the lights in the meantime.

 **Taako:**  My resourceful man has saved me from wretched, menial livelihood! *  _He dramatically wraps his arms around Kravitz’s shoulders and leans into him. Kravitz gives him a soft kiss on the forehead. Lucretia reenters, broom and feather duster in hand.*_

 **Lucretia:**  We’re fortunate to have made it to the top of the mountain so early!  _*She pulls back some of the curtains on one of the huge windows and warm, afternoon light pours in*_  We’ll have a have a lovely view of the sunset at this rate.

 **Angus:**  Not to be a downer Madame, but I’m afraid we may not get to enjoy it all that much if the rumor of the Harvest Cult is true.

 **Lucretia:**  Oh…my.

 **Merle:**  Better a mountain than a cornfield as far as cults are concerned!

 **Magnus:**  Speaking of harvesting and whatnot, when we  _gon’ eat?_

 **Lup:**  Ko and I will get cracking once we finish getting all this nerd shit set up.

 **Magnus:**  It’s not real camping with without hot dogs, baked beans, and s’mores.  _*he follows this by pulling out all the essential ingredients for said camping meal from a duffel bag.*_

 **Davenport:**  We have a lot of food, but there’s no harm in supplementing a bit. I’m no botanist, but I’m pretty sure there’s some plants out there back on the trail that could be considered edible.

 **Lucretia:** How about some tree nuts?

 **Taako and Lup:** Allergic.

 **Mangus:**  But, I thought that was peanuts specifically?

 **Taako:**  You think I’m taking chances?  _In this economy?_

 **Lup:**  I’d be fine with those back home, but we don’t know what wild strains might be growing out here. I don’t wanna have to break out the Epipen _–on Taako–_ when we’re five hours walking and driving distance from an ER.

 **Taako:** Nice one, Lulu.

 **Kravitz:**  I took the Resee’s out of your bag before we left, hun.

 **Taako, aghast:**   _BABE! *He almost pulls away, but then decides against it and keeps his arms around him. Kravitz smirks.*_

 **Davenport:**  This building is much bigger than we might have thought. There’s a place near the back that looks like it was built into the mountain. Has anyone down much exploring while we’ve been gone?

 **Angus:**  Well, all the common areas appear to be on this floor. Out in the courtyard is a small parting area, a rundown tennis court, and what appears to be a broken down ski-lift. There’s the guest rooms up stairs, but I haven’t had a chance to check those. Nothing out of the ordinary so far.

 **Lucretia:**  Then I guess were hitting the guest rooms tonight.  _*She motions at Tres Horny Boys*_ You boys hurry with the foraging so we can get everything going before sunset.

 **Merle:**  Well, if you want some greens for your beans, I think I spotted a patch of wild green onions and some mustard not too far back. And maybe some raspberries if we’re feeling fancy.

 **Taako:** Nice!

 **Magnus:**  Sooo….Are we not doing hot dogs anymore?  _*He looks a little disheartened*_

 **Taako:**  Oh, we’re still having hot dogs. But they’ll be the best damn hot dogs you’ve ever had!

 **Lup:** I’ll watch the camcorder till you guys get back. Don’t let bigfoot git’cha while you’re out there!

 **Barry:**  Say ‘hi’ to the moth man for us.

 **Magnus:**  Will do!

_*THB make their way out of the lounge area. The rest of the crew work to roll out sleeping bags. Lup walks over to the fire place and picks up the camera. There is a click, and it turns off.*_


	3. 7:30pm: Dinner and Diatribes

_*There is a click and the camera turns back on*_

_*The frame wiggles as it is propped on top of something stable. It pans smoothly from one side of the lounge to the other. Everyone is seen crowed around the old tarp-covered couch. Lucretia, Magnus and Kravitz are sitting in the seat proper, Merle and and Davenport are sitting on the arms of the couch. Angus is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front. They are all eating gourmet-style hot dogs and other various snacks. The camera pans to a different direction and we see Barry fiddling with an old projector. He flips a switch and the light turns on. The camera pans in that direction to a nearby wall, where Lup happens to be standing.*_

**Lup:** Explaining the spooky shit, Take one!  _*In her hand is a remote. She presses a button and the projection changes to an old photograph of the lodge in its prime. The camera momentary turns away from the projected screen and settles on Angus. He has one hand in a bag of popcorn and half a hot dog in his mouth.*_

 **Taako:** Yo, McDonald! Aren’t you going give to us the skinny on what we’ve got going on here?  _*Angus nods and quickly sets down his food. He grabs a nearby book, which is marked with an assortment of brightly colored sticky notes, and runs over to stand in front of the projected screen opposite Lup.*_

 **Angus:** Well sir, to begin our presentation, this lodge is approximately 137 years old!

 **Lup, twirling a strand of hair:** Ah, to be that young!  _*She presses the button again and flicks to another photo, this time showing the lodge full of bustling and engaged people*_

 **Angus:**  It was a very popular place up until about seven years ago. A series of mysterious incidents occurring both on and around the surrounding properly led to it’s eventual shut down.

 **Kravitz:**  What kind of  _incidents_  are we speaking of here?

 **Lup:** Ya know, reports about something big lurking around the grounds at night. Ski lift breaking down mid-ride. Poor heat insulation in the winter. Bloody murder scenes but no bodies. The usual.  _*The projection now changes to an ominous picture of a group of people, some distance away from the front entrance of the lodge. they are standing in a circle and appear to be holding out their arms toward the center.*_ Ownership of the lodge shuffled around quite a bit for the last five years. Previous attempts to investigate the causes have led to a discovery about what has formerly become known as  _“The Harvest Moon Cult.”_

 **Magnus, munching intently:**  Ah shit, the story’s gettin’ good now!

 **Angus:** Just to be a bit astrological for a moment, the next few nights will be featuring a  _Harvest Moon,_ when the full moon nearest the autumnal equinox will come closely after sunset, resulting in an abundance of bright moonlight early in the evening.  _*The projection changes to a bright photo of a full moon*_ Traditionally, this was aide to farmers harvesting their summer-grown crops. However, tonight’s moon will also be following a lunar eclipse, making it a blood moon, bathing the location in red light!

 **Lup:** Word has it, a local mountain cult meets here on Harvest Blood Moon Night to practice ritualistic sacrifices or some dumb shit like that. Of course, they’re harvesting isn’t the kosher kind.

 **Merle:**  Wait…so you’re implying that…they were harvesting…people? At a comfy mountain lodge? Why not just do some dark chanting and then go out for cocoa?

 **Barry, under his breath:** That’s what I’m saying.

 **Lup:** Peeps tend to do some  _freaky_ things during the off season, my man. Our mission here is to (A) locate and record any remaining evidence of occult/supernatural activity, (B) hand back whatever entities are involved their literal asses, and © get the fuck outta here before whatever molds might be developing in the basement kills us all tuberculous style.

_*The room fills with a glowing golden light, which very quickly fades from gold, to soft orange, which then deepens into a tinged red. the red light fills the room with an ominous chill air, and the gentle, comforting sound of the mountain region seems to deafen ominously._

**Lucretia, standing up:**  The moon has risen.

 **Mangus, covering his mouth with his hand and doing a mock imitation of Bane from The Dark Knight Trilogy:**  The fire rises, Batman!

 **Barry:**  It’s time.  _*He shuts off the projector*_

_*The camera is panned around to the rest of the room. Everyone hurries off the couch, packs up whatever left over snacks they have and cleans up left over items. Magnus and Kravitz deposit all of the backpacks neatly into a nearby storage closet while Lup and Barry runs last minute tests on their equipment. Merle pulls a pair of binoculars out of his bag and peers through a broken window. Taako comes close into view as he detaches the camera from the tripod, sets the camera on the table, and packs up the rest of his stuff. The group eventually reconvenes at the center of the room.*_

**Lucretia:**  We’ll start upstairs with the guest bedrooms. If everything checks out, we’ll make our way to the staff quarters and the basement floor. 

 **Lup:** Signal up here is kinda shit, but avoid using your phones unless it’s an emergency. I’ve got an extra power bank if anyone runs low regardless. 

 **Davenport** : We’ve got maybe an hour and a half of daylight left, then it’ll be dark as hell in there, so stay close.

 **Magnus, to Angus:**  You gonna hang tight, Agnes? It’ll be pretty creepy without all the daylight.

 **Angus:** That’s alright, sir! I’m a very brave boy, and I always come fully prepared for nighttime expeditions!  _*He pulls out what looks like a small camera, with an elastic band attached. He pulls the band over his head and flicks a light on.*_  I’m ready to go!  _*Everyone takes a pause to register how cute that is*_

 **Magnus, clearing his throat:** Never grow old, Ango.

 **Taako:** I’ve got my camcorder. Barry’s got an infrared. Lup has her Polaroid, and Angus has his nerdcam. 

 **Davenport:**  Excellent: Is everyone charged up and ready to go?

 **Magnus, pensively:** Is it…too late to go to the toilet?

 **Davenport** :…No.

 **Lucretia:**  Take a buddy. It’s dark as the dickens right now.

 **Magnus:**  I’m a grown man! I need no assistance in matters of the bathroom!  _*He turns confidently and takes a step, then pauses. He looks back around.*_ Where  _might_  the nearest bathroom be?

 **Davenport, looking like he’s trying to hold in the world’s biggest sigh:** Down the hallway, to the left.

 **Magnus:** Nice! Heading to the john!

 **Merle:** That’s what they all say.

 **Lup:** But you have so much to live for?

 **Taako:** Have fun!

 **Barry:** Please explain.

 **Lucretia:**  Different strokes for different folks.

 **Davenport:** Stay safe.

_*Kravitz and Angus shoot each other knowing glaces.*_

_*The screen moves up to once more pan around 360 to get a full view of the area. It’s so much darker now. Thanks to one or two dangling lights, everything is cast in hazy shadow. The wind rustles through the open cracks of the windows and walls, sending an early autumn chill throughout. Crickets and birds can be heard charging from outside, they feel very, very far away. The lounge itself no longer seems to creak and moan–so much as vibrate.*_

_*There is a soft beeping noise, and a small red dot starts to flash in the right-hand corner of the screen*_

**Taako:**  Damn, I’m gonna have to change these bad boys out a lot aren’t I?  _*He sets the camera down on a table, and there is a rustling noise heard as he rifles through his bad for the batteries.*_

_*On the screen, a particular shadow from the outside of a near by window slowly appears. Its a little out of focus, but the incoming moonlight reveals it’s size. It looks bigger than a person, but too ragged in shape to be any recognizable being. It stares with passivity, hauntingly focused on the group within.*_

_*Then there is the distant flushing of a toilet, a click, and the camera turns off.*_

* * *

_*There is a click and the camera turns back on*_

**Taako:** Aaaannnnndd we’re back!  _*The light on the camera reveals the entire group, moving through the much darker hallway of the upper floor. They are all entering and exiting each room, holding flashlights and inspecting them with somewhat quiet caution.*_  So, here we’ve got about twenty guest rooms down this hallway, with folks running around like it’s a fucking fantasy Scooby Doo chase scene. 

 **Magnus, from one of the rooms:** I would play that right now, but without being chased, the artistry cannot be fully appreciated.  _*Taako scoffs. The camera moves down the hallway, momentarily peeking into each passed room.*_  

 **Taako:**  Here’s some boring looking walls, here’s a nasty bathroom that I am not going near. Here’s a balcony overlooking mountains for days, yada, yada.  _*The camera pauses on Kravitz, who momentarily smiles at Taako, before trying his hand at one particularly locked door.*_   Annnnd there’s my boyfriend, who is just as beautiful at night as he is during the day. 

 **Kravitz, teasingly:**  Is that a camera you’re holding, or are you just happy to see me?  _*Taako’s hand appears in frame to playfully slap Kravitz’s arm. It then moves to the doorknob and gives it a quick twist.*_

 **Taako:**  That bad boy ain’t moving, huh?  _*The camera turns around to face the rest of the crew, who have all worked their way to this end of the hall. The camera focuses on Magnus from a distance*_  Yo Mags, I’m gonna need you to body slam this one!

 **Magnus:**  On it!  _*The camera moves back very quickly. Magnus charges forward and hits the door with such forceful impact that it bursts open with a loud slam. Dust flies everywhere, momentary clouding the light of the camcorder. The top hinges of the door are noticeably broken, causing it to slant sideways.*_

 **Merle:** Careful! we don’t know the insurance policy on this place.

 **Magnus, sidestepping to let everyone into the room:**  Oh, fuck.  _*His voice lowers to above a whisper*_  I think this is some of the freaky shit we were talking about earlier.

_*The room looks like an ordinary guest bedroom, with furniture still present. But blood spatters and stains are visible on the decorative bed sheets and rugs. The walls are painted with large, cryptic circles, with strange symbols painted around the edges. The large window overlooking the mountains is filled with the last traces of red evening light. Everyone files into the room, taking in the grisly scene*_

**Angus, brandishing his magnifying glass:** These blood stains look fairly recent, sirs.  _*He inspects a trail leading from the queen sized bed to one of the large circles*_  And hastily done, I might add. There’s signs of struggle everywhere. 

 **Lucretia, voice barely a whisper:** Someone was murdered here.

 **Davenport** : Many someones to be sure. There’s at least two blood trails coming from the bed, and one from the bathroom.

 **Kravtiz, rising anger apparent:** An absolute travesty is what it is.  _*All of them carefully walk around the scene. Lup snaps pictures of various details*_

 **Merle, peeking out the window:** This window has a fire escape that goes down to back patio next to the mountainside.

 **Angus:**  Then it definitely served as an escape route. Some of us may have to go down there and check it out.  _*Barry stands near the largest circle, studying them carefully.*_

 **Barry:** These runes…they look like… _*He trails off ominously*_

 **Magnus:** …Like what?

 **Barry:** They…look like…shit!  _*Everyone immediately doubles over into an assortment of laughter, allowing for a moment of levity. The camera shakes as Taako struggles to stay upright.*_

 **Taako, trying to talk:** Tell ‘em, Barry! Give them the what-for!  _*He wheezes*_ Flame ‘em! *  _Magnus leans against the doorway. Merle slaps his knees.*_

 **Barry, looking at the camera and gesturing at the symbols:** _These runes look like shit!_ They’re gibberish. W-what the fu–Were they HIGH when they wrote this??  _*He waves the flashlight between the various circles with horrified frustration.*_  

 **Merle:** Roast these poor bastards!  _*He wipes a tear from his eyes*_

 **Barry:**  I mean, okay there’s…maybe a little bit of Common..some really roughly translated Abyssmal. Oh, that one’s Draconian! At least someone TRIED. Like, honestly, what the fuck? Who let this happen? 

 **Lup, still chuckling:** Fuckin’ noobs. No wonder this place is a mess. I bet they tried to roll their R’s while they were chanting, too.  _*The camera shakes even more as Taako has another bout of laughter with everyone else.*_

_*From outside of the room, down the far end of the hallway, the camera picks up a loud banging sound. Everyone immediately freezes. The banging sound continues, the same distance away. There is the sound of things being knocked over, or thrown. Angus slowly steps back from the door. Magnus moves forward, peaking out.*_

**Magnus, whispering:**  I see no one _. *Barry walks over, holding up his infrared camera, and Magnus moves out of the way. The frame moves closer, aimed at what appears on the screen in front of it. We can see the warm outline of something humanoid moving around in the cool colored background, quite a few feet away. It is tall, nearly touching the high ceiling of the floor.*_

 **Taako, whispering:**  The actual fuck?

_*There is a buzzing noise coming from Barry’s back pocket. Everyone moves silently towards him. Lup takes the camcorder from his hands as he pulls out the ghost box and turns a dial. The sound of rhythmic static increases through it’s speaker.*_

_**Ghost box:**  ——————g̷̟͑e̴͕̒͝t̴̲͙͒͆—————o̶̡͉̔͘u̶̺̎̚t̶̫̝̋——————————-!_

_**Magnus, whispering:**  O_h, I love that movie. _*everyone shushes him*_

_**Ghost box:** ———–Ǵ̵̦̟̘͍̇͌̓È̷͙̱̳Ṱ̵̺̖̌͘———————————————-Ȏ̴͍̼̖̣̐͘U̶͚̭̅̈́ͅT̶̖̪̑̑!̵̧̪̬͓͒͌̄͒_

_*There is a loud slamming noise, this time much closer. The window outside rattles with unspeakable force._ _Everyone rushes out of the room and down the hall. The camera turns and looks back, all of the doors to the rooms that they had opened are slamming shut, save for the one they had burst through. The camera jerks forward again, as everyone rushes down the stairs into the lounge area._ _On the floor is another large circle, drawn in some, dark oily substance. On the inside of the circle, in Common Script is written the words, ‘ **The Feast Has Begun.’** *_

**Merle:**  I’m guessing they’re not talking about Candlenights Feast here.

 **Angus:** Whoever we’re trailing is acting a bit recklessly.Drips from the circle lead out the side door sir to the second patio.  _*He aims his flashlight towards the door*_  What other rooms are out there?

 **Kravitz:** There was a hallway that led to the maintenance room, another restroom, I think a parlor? With luck we may find a decoy that’ll belay another entrance into the depths of the lodge.

 **Barry, tapping the infrared camera:**  There’s still a bit of a heat trail leading outdoors, if we hurry we might be able to see where they went.

 **Taako:**  Ya know, it’s dawning on cha’boy that our chances of getting horrendously murdered are rising exponentially, and Taako isn’t about that death, so I’m down for— _*The camera is shaken violently. Taako’s voice is cut off. There is a lot of scuffling, the screen darkens*_

 **Lup, screaming:**  Taako! 

_*The camera strikes against something, and abruptly shuts off*_

 

 


	4. 8:00pm: The Dark Descent

 

_*There is a buzzing noise. The frame brightens, and then darkens again. A tapping noise is heard, followed by a resurgence of light. Angus’s face slowly comes into focus. He worriedly examines the camera. The point of view shifts as he turns it around and focuses on a huddle of people in a significantly darker  lounge. The only light appears to be coming off the various flashlights. They’re all crowded around Taako, who is sitting a lying languidly on the floor, slowly rubbing the back of his head.*_

**Lup, panic in her voice:** You dingus! Do you really wanna be that cliche of the guy who dies first in the horror movie! Is that what you want?  _*Taako rubs his eyes and slowly sits up*_

 **Taako, weakly:** What the fuck happened?  _*Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.*_

 **Magnus:** The light bulbs blew out, the next thing we know, you’re half way across the room.

 **Merle:**  I think some of the furniture toppled over as well.  _*Lucretia shines a flashlight around the room and yes, most of the furniture is either a few feet away from were it was, or completely knocked over. Everyone kind of huddles closer together*_

 **Taako:**  Well it’s great that I was the only one tossed like a ragdoll, huh? Everybody else is cool, but Ole’ Taako has to take a hit like a fantasy NFL quarterback! Ugh, look!  _*He shows his arms, one looks bruised from hitting the floor. The other has wide, reddish welts, reminiscent of claw marks. Lup takes off her backpack and pulls out a med kit*_

 **Lup:**  Okay, those scratch marks do look suspicious. The skin didn’t break but I’ll get you some antibiotic ointment anyway. 

 **Kravitz, rubbing his back:** Do you feel alright, darling?

 **Taako:** Hell nah, Babe. Taako’s ready to go home. 

 **Merle:** If his legs still work then we need to keep moving.

 **Lucretia:** Agreed. The best thing we can do is stay moving around the premises. We still have a job to do, technically.  _*Lup wraps a loose bandage around Taako’s arm*_

 **Taako, deeply offended:** Wait, wait, wait. I  _really_  don’t think you fucks heard me clearly--what with the loud noises and the spooks and what not--So let me repeat myself: Taako. Wants. To go. HOME... _NOW._

 **Lup, repacking the med kit:** Ko, we’re out in the middle of nowhere, it’s dark as fuck outside--

 **Barry:** We could be dealing with serious poltergeist shit--

 **Davenport:** We have no fast mode of transportation, and the authorities would take forever to get up here--

 **Taako:** Tough shit. I’m not delving further into this hell hole. I have a headache, I’m sure I broke a rib or something. It’s dusty as fuck around here. I bet I’ve got black lung-- 

_*There is a rustling sound. The camera jerks and the n aims at the direction of the noise. A quick glimpse of a shadowy thing is seen before moving out of frame through a nearby window. A crashing noise erupts from outside, near the side door. The camera abruptly spins to the direction of the doors. Another crash is heard. The camera turns back and everyone is back on their feet, Taako included.*_

**Davenport, voice low:** We have to follow the noise.

 **Taako, harsh whisper:** No, we don’t.

 **Angus:**  We could end up cornered if we don’t change locations, sir.

 **Merle:** Listen, whatever is makin’ the ruckus already knows we’re here, so we may as well kick its ass and get outta here.  _*Taako stays planted where he is. Magnus lets out an annoyed sigh*_

 **Magnus:** That’s it--No more arguing, Magnus rushes in!  _*Magnus, mustering as much quiet movement as possible, hurries out the back door. Barry, Davenport, and Merle follow close behind. The frame scoots over to Taako.*_

 **Lup, grabbing Taako’s arm:** _Come on!_

 **Angus:** Here sir! I need to complete my investigation, so it’s best if you hold onto the camera. It’s not broken, so you should be able to capture some good footage still.  _*Taako sighs and reluctantly grabs the camera and turns it around, showing Angus and Lucretia following out the door*_

 **Taako, from behind the frame:** Fuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccck. 

 **Kravitz:**  It’ll be alright. I’ll go out last in case we’re followed.

 **Taako:**  Fine, but just so we’re all clear this is already strike two for Taako! Strike one was that poor excuse you all called a kitchen back there.

_*As Lup, Taako and Kravitz exit the lounge, the camera pans around quickly. The second outdoor patio is much smaller, with a few rundown lawn chairs sitting here and there. The high perspective overlooks some old tennis court, and a sizable patch of slightly overgrown land. Magnus swings open a second door and everyone enters a different, but equally large room. This part of the lodge, despite being less open to the elements, looks far more rundown and empty. The frame shows Lup and Lucretia standing next to the door they all passed through, keeping an eye out.*_

**Barry, looking at his infrared:** Damn, the heat trail is gone.

 **Angus, crouching:** As are the black spot marks. We'll need to take extra precaution in choosing where we want to go.

 **Merle:**  Pssssst. Over here!  _*Merle is seen standing by one open door on the left side of the room, with Davenport standing by another. They appear to mirror each other  With both doors open, it is clear that they both  to have staircase, the one of the right leads upward, the other leading downward.*_

 **Davenport, gesturing to the right door:** I think I saw on the top floor where there’s an exit door, where this staircase probably connects. But I have no idea where the other stairs lead do to.

 **Magnus, with a hint of excitement:**  Mayhaps it be a... _secret corridor?_

 **Lup:**  Well, it’s not really secret if it’s as plainly identifiable as this.  _*Magnus’s shoulders slump with disappointment*_

 **Kravitz:** This staircase looks like it goes down further than a typical basement would, though.

 **Merle:**  If I was a bettin’ man, I’d say the lower one is where all the ghostly business maybe be lurking.

 **Taako:**  You wanna lay five dollars on that one?

 **Davenport, motioning for them to enter:**  Come on, let’s get going before we run each other dry.

 **Magnus:**  That’s coward speak!  _*Barry aims his camera down the staircase.*_

 **Barry:**  There’s a bit of heat on the stairs, but further down it looks cold as shit. We should move as quickly as we can so we don’t get cornered.  _*He enters*_

 **Taako:**  If I die, I’m haunting the fuck out of whatever tried to punt me into the afterlife.

_*They all slowly descend the staircase, with Barry and Lup in front, followed by Davenport, Taako, Agnus, Kravtiz, Merle Lucretia , and Magnus. Angus shines a light over the edge of the banister, revealing many, many levels of staircase below them. Merle starts to groan as he realizes how long of a trek they’ll have to make to get to the bottom.*_

**Lup, rubbing her shoulders:**  Is it just me or is it kind of drafty in here?

 **Taako:** What if this is one of those divine comedy situations and we’re all just making our slow descent into Hell?

 **Lucretia:** As above, so below I'd assume.

_*As the staircase descends further, it slowly seems to narrow to the point that those ahead have to descend one person behind the other, as opposed to two or three. The walls stop being lined with wooden plants, and evolve to crude brick and mortar, and then carved out stone. The well-crafted beams of the staircase railing give way to rudimentary and wooden pillars. The only light available come from everyone’s flashlights.*_

**Magnus:** This place is going from comfy, mountain lodge to creepy, uncomfy, dungeon reallllllllly fast!

 **Merle:**  Was it the total darkness that gave it away, or the lack of stable wifi?

 **Angus:** In my history studies, I read that there’s a large valuable gem mine located a few miles away from this location. It would be sensible to believe that decades before, this area was crawling with potential miners coming to look for various veins. Hence, the crude, man-made tunnels. 

 **Taako:**  Listen, If we find any valuable gems while we’re down here, I vote we use whatever we can pawn off them to pay the funeral fee if one of us dies.

 **Lup:** Buuuuut--If one of us dies down here, there’s nothing like a mini tunnel collapse as a cheep, impromptu funeral!

 **Taako:** Fair point--You don’t need to pay for a coffin if you don’t have a body.

 **Davenport:** This line of thought leads me to wonder how many lives you two have played a part in... _disposing people?_

 **Lup:**  Well, we’d tell you, but then we’d have to add you to the count. _*Taako is heard chuckling. Lup turns and gives a thumbs up to the camera*_

 **Kravtiz, voice low:** But seriously though, babe, what the fuck have you two done?

 **Taako:**  Don’t worry your beautiful face about  _that one_ , hun. 

_*After a few moments, the frame reveals the end to the spiral. At the base of the staircase is an open but disturbingly empty chamber. Three different tunnels baring iron gates great the group as they gather. A single, weak light bulb illuminates their presence. All three of the gates are open, with no signs of lock or chains keeping them closed.*_

**Merle, wheezing:**  If I have to climb up something, or climb down something one more time, you guys can leave me here with the moon cult or whatever.  _*Angus attempts to shine his flashlight down one of the tunnels, but they are so dark that seeing down the other end is impossible. Rusty pipes line the wall a few meters above their heads, generating a soft dripping noise. More dark runic circles decorate the chamber walls.*_

 **Lup:** Oh, good. More fucking graffiti art.  _*She nudges Barry with her elbow. He chuckles*_ I’ve seen high schoolers design better murals than this amateur shit. 

 **Magnus:**  According to video game logic, these tunnels are either the beginnings of a chaotic, interconnected labyrinth, or the starting point of some butterfly effect/ choose your own adventure rpg.

 **Lucretia, glancing down a different tunnel:** Looks like we have a conflict of interest concerning which one to enter first either way

 **Merle:**  What if we split into pairs and we--

 **Taako:** Kravitz.

 **Lup:** Barry.

 **Lucretia:** Davenport.

 **Magnus:** Ango Dango.

 **Merle:** W--wha _\--_ wait!! Where does that leave  _me???_

 **Mangus:** Guess you’ll be slumming it with the ghosts, old man!  _*He takes off running down the large, dark tunnel on the right*_ C’mon, D’jangus we got cool shit to explore!

 **Angus:** _*Flickers on his flashlight and dashes in the same direction*_  R-right behind you, sir!

 **Lucretia:**  Well, there are nine of us, we could’ve split into trios, that might have been safer.  _*The rest of them nod shamefully in agreement*_

 **Taako:** Angus is a smart kid and Magnus will punch shit. Together they make one competent adult. They’ll be fine.

 **Lup:**  Davenport, Merle, and Lucretia, you three go down the middle tunnel and see if you can find were that noise is coming from. Barry and I will... _*She looks around.The camera spins around 360 degrees. Barry is no longer in the room. Lup takes a frantic step back.*_ Barry?

 **Lucretia:**  Oh no.  _*Everyone looks around frantically, there is no noise--save for the distant dripping of water.*_

 **Taako, whipping around to face Lup:** HA! TEN BUCKS!  _*His hand appears in frame, motioning at Lup. She immediately slaps it away and looks at him with panic.*_

 **Lup:** We’ll sort it out later Ko! Help me find Barry!  _*She yanks his arm and the screen goes jittery as Taako is pulled into a separate cavern.*_

 **Taako:** Dammit, Barrold!Lulu, can’t we just take a second--

 **Lup:** HELL NO!!

 **Kravitz, distantly to the others:** We’ll go this way, you three stay together!  _*The camera shaky turns back to the midpoint that they are hurrying away from, and kravitz is seen running to catch up with Taako and Lup. The camera turns back and we see the tunnel ahead glowing an darkening with each dim light that is passed overhead.*_

 **Lup:**  Barry! Babe, where are you!?

 **Taako:**  Barrold! Fuck! I can’t run and hold this thing! Dammit!  _*There is a sudden howling noise and the screen gets dreadfully dark. The trio’s running comes to an abrupt halt.*_

 **Lup, gasping:**  Wha---

 **Taako:**  Oh--oh shit! _*There is silence, save for their quick breathing. There is another howl, and then a rumbling noise echos from an indiscernible direction. It is loud, and then softens. And then softens. And then it slowly fades. There is only the sound of panicked breathing now. The frame is still dark..*_

 **Kravtiz, whispering:**  ...Taako?

 **Taako, whispering back:**  Here, Babe. Lup?

 **Lup, equally quiet:**  Here.

 **Taako:**  I’m...gonna put this thing away, and then--  _*he sighs*_  --I guess we’ll keep moving till we find fuckin’ Barry. Neither of you let go of my hand, okay?

 **Kravitz and Lup:**  Okay.

_*There is one more distant howling sound. Then a click, and the camera turns off.*_


	5. 10:00pm: The Shadow of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A LOT OF RUNNING THROUGH TUNNELS. I thought this would be my shortest chapter but it's my longest one. go figure.

_*There is a click, then the camera turns on. It’s dark. There is a click and the camera turns off*_

__*There is a click, then the camera turns on. It’s dark. There is a click and the camera turns off*_    
_

__*There is a click, then the camera turns on. It’s dark--*_  
_

**Lup, not visible:** Taako will you please stop fucking around with that thing?

_*It’s pitch black, aside from the faint light of the camera screen. The frame appears to shuffle around as the three are walking. Lup and Kravtiz’s face and torso are barley visible as they walk alongside Taako.*_

**Taako:** Listen, I’m trying to take my mind off this hell hole you’ve dragged me and Krav down into. Years from now, when we’re all silver foxes, I’m going to be telling people about that one time my sister led me into a dark, cavernous tunnel, and I had to throw hands with a wendigo or some shit. 

 **Kravitz:** Where do I fit in the narrative?

 **Taako:** You’re the handsome love interest who played a hand in my triumph over the dark, and we celebrate in a hot tub at a plush, not possibly haunted lodge.

 **Kravtiz:** Still reminiscing about that hot tub?  _*He clasp’s taako’s hand*_

 **Taako:** Only keeping me going at this point, boychik. How are you holding up?

 **Kravtiz:** I’ve fared worse. In my line of work this kind of situation is familiar.

 **Taako:** But not too familiar?

 **Kravitz, with a smirk:** But not too not familiar--

 **Lup, whining:** Fuck, am I going to get cooties from being stuck with you two?

 **Taako, mimicking her tone:**  Fuck, am I gonna get black lung from being stuck with you? How much longer are we gonna be walking?

 **Kravitz:** We have been wandering for quite a while. Would you assume we’re lost?

 **Taako/Lup:** Yes/No. _*a beat*_

 **Taako/Lup:** No/Yes.

 **Kravitz:** Okay, let’s...pause for a minute. We haven’t had many turns down this passage, but it kind feels like we’re still going downward. 

 **Taako:**  Hmm, that tracks. _*He takes a step back and taps his heel on the ground.*_ This path has a slight decline to it, not as much as the staircase, but substantial enough.

 **Kravtiz:** Let me see something real quick.  _*He unclasp’s Taako’s hand and walks a short distance.*_

 **Taako:** Stay close, babe.

 **Kravtiz:** I’m not going anywhere. He reaches up to the long stretches of pipe that line the wall.  _*There is a heavy metal CHUNK sound, followed by a brief gush of water.* He walks back toward the camera, wielding a long, rusted metal pipe, nearly at long as his height.*_ These pipes probably carry rainwater from the mountain peak through the tunnels. If we follow the pipes we might be able to find a reservoir or something. From there we could reexamine our barrings.

 **Taako:** He’s a beautiful  _and brilliant_ boy? It’s more likely than you think.

 **Lup, low and a bit sad:** I hope  _my_  beautiful, brilliant boy is okay.

 **Taako, placing his hand on her shoulder:** Barry can defiantly hold his own against a bunch of paranormal fuckbois. He’s no Magnus, but he’s a brick shithouse in his own right. 

 **Lup:** That, or you’ve got the constitution of a pillow.

 **Taako:** Fuck you.

 **Lup:** Kravtiz, could you break me off another one of those pipes? I wanna be able to swing as the nearest dunderfuck I encounter. 

 **Taako:** Ditto I guess. No sense wandering around here defenselessly.

 _*Kravtiz walks back over to where he grabbed the first pipe, planting his foot against the wall. With a bit of a grunt he pulls down one, then another. He hands them to Lup and Taako in a weeping gesture. Lup takes a few steps back and gives it a couple of warm up swings.*_  Alright, lets go regulate on a bitch.

_*The trio once again make their way down the tunnel. They come to a crossroads. There is a low, grumbling and growling sound, echoing from the right tunnel. They take the left tunnel. They walk a few meters, until a mumbling noise can be heard from around a corner bend. They stop.*_

**Taako, whispering:** What the fuck is that?

 **Lup:** That sounds like voices? *Kravitz motions for them to quiet down. They press their backs to the wall and listen intently.*

 **Unseen figure 1:**  Is everything finally on schedule?

 **Unseen figure 2:** As it should be. This would’ve been fine if we didn’t have those intruders fuck up our ceremony.

 **Unseen figure 1:**  It’ll be fine. We’ve already acquired one. The rest will be easy.

 **Unseen figure 2, a little miffed:** He called my unholy circle  _fucking shit_ , man.  **I’m gonna knock his fucking block off.**

 **Unseen figure 3:**  I don’t know. He managed to get the grip on Jerry before we tied him up. We’re going to have to be careful  _taking care_  of the rest of them.  _*There is the sound of padded footsteps going down the pathway. Their voices appear to muffle and fade into the dark.*_

 **Lup:** Should we follow them?

 **Taako:**  And get taken as well? Have you ever watched a horror movie?

 **Lup:**  You ever watched thriller? We stay on their trail, we won’t be wondering around like fantasy chickens with our fucking fantasy heads cut off. Imminent danger or no, I’m looking for Barry!

 **Taako:**  I raised you better than this!

 **Lup, punctuating her words with claps:**  We 👏 are 👏 the 👏 same 👏 a _ge!_

 **Taako:**  How the fuck did you do that with your mouth!?

 **Kravitz, grabbing both of them:**  Let’s just go!

_*The frame shakes as the three a clearing, Kravitz and Lup wielding the pipes, Taako with on hand on the pipe, and the other on the camera. They immediately stand to attention, realizing that no one is there. They pass confused expressions between one another*_

**Taako:**  Wait, are they gone?

 **Kravtiz, letting the pipe in his hands drop with a clank:**  Apparently so.

 **Lup:** You’ve GOT to be kidding me.  _*she spins around, pointing the long pipe at Taako.*_ We could’ve caught up if you hadn’t--If you weren’t so--UGH.   _*She turns away, her back visible to the camera. Her arms are wrapped around her shoulders, as if she’s trying to hug herself. There is an awkward pause. The frame lowers a bit, and Taako sighs.*_

 **Taako:** Okay, yeah you’re right, Lulu. We should’ve moved faster. I promise, the next chance we get, we’re taking it. Alright?

 **Lup, slowly turning back around:** I sure hope you got yourself saying all that on camera.

 **Taako, through grit teeth:** I’ll edit it out in post.  _*Lup sticks her tongue out at him, and he returns the gesture.*_

 **Lucretia, distantly:** It’s them!  _*The trio look up to see Lucretia, Merle, and Davenport standing at a crossroads. They quicken their pace and are greeted with affirmations of surprise and exhaustion.*_

 **Merle:** Were you able to find Bluejeans?

 **Lup:** Not yet, but we heard voices taking about him, so he’s probably still alive. But then we lost them right before finding you!  _*She attempts to swing a punch at Taako, but he just barely dodges.*_

 **Davenport:**  We were unsuccessful in finding anything. Except you guys that is.

 **Taako:**  Maybe the real haunted shit were the friend we found along the way? 

 **Merle:**  How the fuck  _did_  we end up all back together is the real question. 

 **Angus, distantly:**  I can explain that!  _*Magnus, with Angus sat upon his back, comes rushing through the middle chamber. Everyone looks at them with puzzled expressions. Angus slides off.*_

 **Magnus, assessing the group:** Yo, what happened to Barry?

 **Taako:** Ole’ Barrold got McSnatched a while back ago. We’re trying to find him by getting to a reservoir of some sort.

 **Magnus:**  Well fuck. You all headin’ to a reservoir? We know a shortcut!

 **Everyone:**  A shortcut?

 **Angus:**  Mr. Magnus and I discovered some interesting aspects of this cavern’s designs. Follow Me! _*He takes the lead into the tunnel on the right, with Magnus close behind.*_

 **Taako:**  Damn, maybe they are one whole competent adult.  _*Everyone follows carefully behind. Angus points at the brickwork as he hurries along.*_  

 **Angus:**  This looks nothing like how a typical mine shaft would appear! The details in the walls reveal the decades of construction that has taken place here.  

 **Merle:**  I could’ve told you that! I’m a dwarf and this is a mountain shaft. This kinda place is right up my alley.

 **Lucretia:** Need I point out that you’re a  _beach_  dwarf.

 **Merle:**  Semantics.

 **Angus:** May I continue?

 **Davenport:** Please.

 **Angus:** I’ve deduced that this structure was built around the same time as the lodge, perhaps earlier.  _*They come to a fork in the path and he pauses, turning around*_  Its tunnels are confusing to the untrained eye.I thought it  was a maze at first, but from what you’ve said confirms that it is just a rather confusing labyrinth. I’m sure you’ve all noticed by now that we’re steadily going downward still.  _*Most of them nod, Magnus shakes his head ‘no.’ Angus starts his way down the next tunnel, still on the right.*_

 **Lup:**  So we could literally go any direction? There are no dead ends?

 **Angus:** None that Mr. Magnus and I found. That said, just to keep a consistent direction, I suggest we stick to the right side, moving as a group. We’ll reach the center at some point. If there’s anything a boy detective knows about secret societies, it’s that they always like to be the center of things!  _*There is a large, rumbling sound, and everyone tenses up. The camera stops moving, as does everyone else. *_

 **Davenport:**  Let’s not waste anymore time, then. 

 **Taako:** As soon as cha’boy is outta here, I’m advocating for a two week’s vaycay cuz fuck this!

 **Magnus:** We’re following you, Ango!  _*There is silence. Everyone glances around._ _Angus McDonald is nowhere to be seen.*_

 **Lup, extremely quiet:** Oh fuck.

 **Magnus, a bit high pitched:** Ango?

 **Merle:** Shit, are we getting picked off one by one? 

 **Magnus:**   _Angoo?_

 **Lucretia, slapping her hand over her face:** We had one job.

 **Magnus:**   _D’Jangus Unchained?_

 **Taako, visibility distraught:** _THEY TOOK OUR FUCKING BOY!_

 **Magnus:** Dammit!  _*He spins around and scratches his head.*_  Well, what now?

 **Kravtiz:** Okay, okay, Let’s all just follow what Agnus said, and stick to the right, we’ll get to him eventually.  _*He rubs his face and sighs.*_  This is going to be a pain in the ass to file later.

_*They hurriedly make there way through right corners and passageways, descending further into the chasms of the unforgiving mountain. After a time, some yelling voices can be heard echoing from an indescribable direction. Everyone slows, but they walk towards the sound. The come to a corner. Mangus and Merle peek out._

_*The camera inches forward as Taako extends it to look out for him. From the odd angle, it’s clear to see Two figures standing close to a third person, who is holding a torch. They are hold large would staffs. Between then, with arms bound tightly behind his back him is Barry. He looks scuffed up, but not too worse for wear. The camera pulls back and turns towards everyone else. As Magnus and Merle gesture at the others about Barry’s state, Lup’s face lights up with reassurance. The figures around the corner start yelling again.*_

**Unseen figure 1:**  Shut up!

 **Barry, from a considerable distance:** Bud, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you’re--  _*his voice get’s muffled.*_

 **Unseen figure 1:** He’s gotta point ya know.

 **Unseen figure 2, groaning with annoyance:** Listen, we can’t discuss sustainable necromancy when we have a ritual to get to! The Moon has overcome the Sun and--

 **Unseen figure 1:** Blah, blah, blah!  _‘The moon has overcome the sun, and blood will rain from sky in it’s conquest.’_  Damn it. Just once you should try to take the time to watch like, a romantic comedy or something. Give light premises a shot.  _Sheesh._

 **Lup, rising up from her crouch and whispering:** I’ve got a light premise for ya.

_*Another low, howling sound echos from deeper within. It feels rhythmic this time. Practiced, waiting. Lup pauses. The unseen figures sigh together.*_

**Unseen figure 1:** It’s time.

 **Unseen figure 3:** I’ll take him to the holding chamber, you guys head on to the reception, I think they’re still chanting.

 **Unseen figure 2:** Damn it, I’m bad at chanting. Can’t we just do an icebreaker for once?  _*As they move forward, Merle and Magnus attempt to step back from the corner. But they trip over each other, and fall with an ungraceful heap onto Taako.*_

 **Taako knocked to the floor:** Ow! Fuck!   _*He immediately clasps his hands over his mouth, but it’s too late. The camera and metal pipe fall out of his hands and land on the ground with unceremonious clunks. Merle and Magnus scatter up, blumbing into everyone else. The is a chorus of whispering noises of dissent. The shadows of the unseen figures jump, then start running towards the group. Taako leaps to grab the camera. Lurcetia grabs the pipe. They all take off in a desperate run. The frames shakes with everyone’s heavy footsteps. They turn a corner and stop to gather some quick breathes. Taako inspects the camera, then turns the end to view the assailants once again.*_

 **Unseen figure 1, from down the tunnel:**  We know you’re her intruders! We saw your arrival at our lodge. We have your jean-clad man with us!  _*The first one twists the handle on his staff and and strings of electricity ripple outward from it’s point, creating light that fills the tunnel*_

 **Unseen figure 2:**  You wish to reveal our Feast of Harvest to the world? Tough break fuckos, cuz blabbers get stabbered!  _*They do the same to their staff,  a ring of attached blades pop out from it, and begin whirling dangerously. they start running towards the group.*_

 **Magnus:** Oh shit! Shit! Shit!  _*Everyone hurries down the right of the tunnel. They find themselves at a cross point and take a right again. The two figures remain in pursuit.*_

 **Kravtiz:** They know these turns butter then we do! There’s no point in running, we’ll have to disarm them.

 **Lucretia:**  If we split in half and hide at the next cross section, one half could distract them while the other sneak attacks!  _*The group splits, with Davenport, Magnus, and Taako at the opening of one tunnel and Kravitz, Lup, Merle and Lucretia on the other. They all wait with backs to the wall as the two assailants slowly come down the middle path. Before the two ominous figures are within distance of the sneak attack, There is the sound of a whistle from behind them. There is a zooming of light, a small one, flying past the assailants. They take off running back in the other direction*_

 **Unseen person 1:**  I saw a light go that way!

 **Unseen person 2:** Fuck! How are they so quick?  _*There is a hurried splashing that dissipates as they run farther away from the group. There is a long, quiet pause while everyone tries to register what just occurred. For an extended time here’s just breathing and dripping water. Everyone slowly emerges from the tunnels. The camera ever so slowly moves back down the direction that the two attackers ran. There is another pause.*_

 **Taako taking a step forward:**  Ango? You there?

 **Angus, quietly:**  I’m up here.  _*The camera quickly pans up to an old, somewhat broken ladder built into the side of the wall. A couple of meters above, is Angus, hanging on very tightly as he looks down at them. He looks very small in the large, dark ceiling, and even with the camera focusing in and out, it’s clear to see the fear etched on his face.*_

 **Everyone:**  Angus!  _*An assortment of hands reach out to help the little boy down from the ladder. As he descends, everyone takes turns to tussle his hair and squeeze him into a dog pile of hugs. Taako’s hand come into frame as he pokes Angus’s nose.*_

 **Taako:** What did I tell you about being marked off with one of cryptids, kid?  _*Angus smiles sheepishly, his fear melting away.*_

 **Lucretia:** Was that your flashlight that drew those goons away?

 **Angus, gently:** Yes, I figured that if you all heeded my suggestion, you would be on the right side, so I tossed my flashlight in the other direction.

 **Davenport:**  We looked up and you were gone, where did you go?

 **Angus:**  I heard the howling noise, and I was curious about were it was coming from, so I followed it for a bit, I didn’t mean to lose you all.  _*His face seems to hang in a mix of worry and embarrassment. Merle elbows him.*_

 **Merle:** Well. You saved our asses back there, so I guess no harm done.

 **Magnus, tousling his hair even more:** Who’s a good boy!?

 **Angus:** Thank you, but please don’t talk to me like I’m a dog, sir.  _*They start moving again. After a few more right turns, a surprisingly lit entrance to a chamber comes into view, causing the screen to attempt to readjust to the change in light.*_

 **Merle:**  I can see the light!

 **Lup:** I knew you were close to your time Merle, but not this close.

_*They enter a large, circular chamber, lined with lit torches. Large, man sized portraits hang on the walls. But they are cracked and blackened with dust and mold.  There is no furniture, but in the center of the chamber is a large, stone fountain--water rippling from it weakly. Many pipes from the tunnels weave and tangle along the bottom of the floor. Most of them seem to lead to the fountain._

**Davenport:** More pipes.

 **Taako:** An excellent assessment Cap’n.

_*The camera pans back and forth as everyone goes about, inspecting the room. Magnus tramps over to an innocuous part of the wall. There hanging is one of the large man-seized oil paint, framed in what appears to be tarnished gold. He gives it a small kick, then jumps back excitedly.*_

**Magnus, waving to the others:** Have your wallets at the ready folks, cause I found a...  _*He pulls back the picture frame dramatically, revealing a dark open passage way behind it.*_  ...secret corridor!

 **Kravitz:** Before  we go in there we should find a second escape route just in case.

 **Magnus:** Well we won’t need an extra escape route, because we’ve got one uh, Right-Fucking-Here!  _*He plants a foot through the open passage and starts making his way in. Everyone else shrugs with tired resignation. The camera moves closer to the picture frame. Taako’s hand appears in view, inspecting it. The camera spins over to Lup.*_

 **Taako:** Yo, think we can pawn this without letting the owner of the lodge know?

 **Lup:** No way in hell  _you’d_  pawn it. You’d use it to outline your own velvet portrait and set right above the couch in the living room.

 **Taako:** Fuck, you know me too well.

 **Lup:** All our lives. Now come on, before Barry gets killed!

_*The camera follows Lup into the mysterious passage. This one is much smaller, and less damp than the one’s previously explored. It’s path with a slightly steep decline to something dark red further down. Everyone treads carefully as they descend. At the end of the tunnel, there are a pair of heavy red curtains, closed, with the faintest bit of candlelight seeping through. A low, rolling chorus of voices chant in melodic unison, their songs emanate forbiddingly through the passage. Magnus turns back towards everyone else and motions for the to slow down*_

**Magnus, whispering:** On your guard.  _*The camera beeps and begins to lose focus. It wiggles as Taako shifts it around.*_

 **Taako, whispering:** Dammit, the batteries are dyin--

_*The camera clicks, shutting off abruptly*_


	6. 11:00pm The Belly of the Beast

_*There is a click, and the camera turns on. The frame wiggles around shakily as Taako fumbles with the old batteries. Everyone looks at each other with apprehensive determination. Magnus looks excited, gearing himself up to charge in. The voices from the other side of the curtain end their resonant song and start shouting.*_

**Voices:** THE FEAST. THE FEAST. THE FEAST. THE FEAST. * _Pounding fists can be heard, along with the clattering of plates and silverware.*_

 **Kravitz:**  Okay, I’m not waiting any longer. 

 **Angus:**  We have to do something!

 **Lucretia:**  Guess it's now or never isn’t it?

 **Lup:** Magnus...do your thing.

 **Magnus, beaming:**  Hell Yeah! Magnus rushed in!  _*He rips down the curtain and a flood of warm light enters the open passageway.*_

_*Through the camera we see a large, round room, with a group of masked and robed people surrounding a long, decorated table. They immediately snap their attentions to the camera. A few jump from their seats in surprise. Most of them are wearing long white robes, tied around the waist with blood red sashes. When the camera focuses, we can see that there is an insignia of a Blood moon woven on the chest of their robes. Each mask is actually designed to look like a wild animal skull. A tall figure at the end of the long table opposite the passage bears a mask that looks like a deer’s skull with a variety of different horn jutting out of it. They hold a long, wooden, staff, the top bears a beautiful gold wreath, with a red gem planted in the middle.*_

_*The camera slowly shuffles away from the cult members, in a weak attempt to keep it from view. Kravtiz’s face come in to frame. He looks pissed off for a moment, then a light seems to flash in his eyes as he gestures over to where Magnus is standing.*_

**Kravitz:**  He led us into a trap! Ten bucks, the lot of you!  _*Merle and Davenport groan sourly. Magnus huffs. There is a chorus of confused ‘huh?’ heard from the group of cultists. In the corner of the frame, we see Lup whisper something to Angus*_

 **Lucretia, grinning:**  Actually, make that double for you goobers.  _*she taps on the open door frame*_  secret corridor.

 **Magnus:**  Dammit!

 **Cultist #1:**  WHO DEARS DISRUPT OUR HOLY CEREMONY!!!

 **Magnus, to Lup:** May I please see that?  _*He points to the long, rusty pipe in Lups hand. She gives it to him and he walks forward.*_  We do!  _*The camera turns around and focuses on his back as he walks to the front of the table and stares down the figure that spoke.*_

 **Cultist #1, shrinking back** : Oh. Well that’s...really rude. You weren’t-- _*they turn to the rest of the cult*_ \--They weren’t...invited? Were they?

 **Cultist #2:**  Nah fam, we got all the RSVPs three months ago. Ain’t no way.

 **Cultist #3:**  Was there a list? I think there was like, a bring one free friend or something.  _*some of the other members nod in agreement*_

 **Cultist #4:**  Aw really! And here I go paying that massive fucking guest fee to bring along my cousin!  _*they fold their arms and sit back down in a huff*_  Fuck you guys!  _*a mask figure sitting besides them pats their shoulder*_

 **Cultist 2, pointing directly at the frame:**  Hey! Does that guy have a camera? _*The frame shifts upward as Taako raises his arms defensively. A large chandelier can be seen hanging dramatically from the curved roof of the chamber.*_

 **Taako:**  Hey, uh...have any of you guys ever wanted to be on TV?  _*The camera shifts back down as a few masked heads nod slowly. Taako takes a few steps forward till he’s beside Magnus. The screen moves back around to those standing behind him. Both of his hand are behind his back. In the corner and out of focus, his free hand signals to everyone still at the edge of the passage. Agnus is seen scooting behind Lup and Davenport.*_ Well, my dudes, I’m here to tell you that I,  Taako--you know, from tv, Hello--And I’m...currently scouting out locals for a new series called...Spooking it up with Taako!

 **Cultist #3:**  Ah shit, that sounds dope!   _*The other members nod excitedly*_

 **Taako, finger guns:**  You know it brother, I’m talking going around to the hottest,  _hauntedest_  places in Faerun and interviewing some cult boys like yourselves and, ya know, getting the vibe, and the aesthetics, and whatnot.  _*Lucretia and Kravtiz edge their way forward, the pipes in the hands held decisively behind them.*_ I really like what you guys got going on here, any of you got some interior design background?

 **Cultist #2:**  Well I keep a blog--

 **Cult Leader, slamming their fist down on the table:** _AHEM! *the cult immediately shuts up and focused back on them. The figure with the multi horned mask raises an ominous finger at the camera’s direction*_  You have defiled our sacred place, and disrupted out holy ceremony. And for you transgressions, your succulent flesh shall be our feast!

 **Magnus:**  Oh fuck, vore!

 **Cult Leader, stepping back:**  Wait, no, that’s not what I-- UGH! Just, bring in the sacrifice!

_*Two more cult members enter the chamber from behind the curtains of a back entrance. Between them is Barry bluejeans. Aside from his hands being bound behind his back and his face and shirt looking wet, he looks no worse for wear.*_

**Barry:**  Hey there, guys.

 **Taako:**  Hey, Barold.

 **Lup:**  You okay, Babe?

 **Barry:**  Yeah, I’m alright. They tried to waterboard me earlier but the pipes got backlogged somehow, so I’m a little drenched.

 **Magnus:**  Par for the course?

 **Barry:**  It happens.

 **Cultist #3:**  Everybody shut up! We heard ya’ll talking shit upstairs! It was very mean and insensitive to our feelings!

 **Cultist #5:**  We had to teach ourselves!

 **Davenport:**  But...there’s a whole school for necromancy?

 **Cultist #6:**  Some of us are poor, disenfranchised minorities who can’t afford the debt that higher education would incur with little promise of reaping benefits in the work force! The education system does not work in our favor!

 **Taako:** Are you all cultists or Millennials?

 **All the Cultists:**  YES.

 **Cult Leader:**  Harvesters of the Mountain! Raise your staffs and lend your voices to the eye of the bleeding moon! _*They frantically turn to the other members*_  Pray! Call upon the aid of the King of Beasts and Queen of Birds!

 **Kravitz:**  Pray all you want...  _*He grabs an empty chair by the back and hurls it toward the other end of the table. The cult leader just barely moves out of the way as it collides with the plates on the table and shatters on the floor. Wooden shrapnel flies everywhere and some of the members scatter back. Kravitz points the end on the pipe at the cult leader’s head.*_  She isn’t listening.  

 **Lucreatia:**  Magnus, on my left!  _*She brings her own rusty pipe down hard onto the end of the table. The table tips forward and sends all the rest of the plates, cutlery and decor clumsily flying off. Some of the cultists rush forward. The two incapacitating Barry drag him closer toward the other end of the table, near the leader.*_

 **Magnus:** Go time!  _*He punches the first cultist square in the mask, sending them soaring back. The other members pause to asses the situation. They all grab knives off the table and a few dash out to go grab more weapons. Davenport grabs a candelabra that had fallen off the table and swings it around menacingly*_

 **Lup, whispering:** Taako! Up here!  _*The camera points up and focuses on Lup and Angus crouched on top of a four meters high ledge. It’s made of the same large gray stone as the tunnels and juts out of the round walls of the chamber. There is a nearby wooden ladder incorporated into the design of the wall.*_

 **Taako:**  Nice!  _*Taako quickly lets the camera swing over his shoulder as he climbs up the wall. The camera catches the ensuing action in the room at an awkward angle.*_

 **Cult Leader:**  You will be the first outsiders to bear witness to our Magnum Opus! Our Grand Design! THE FEAST BEAST!  _*The camera shudders violently as both Lup and Taako lose their shit. Everyone on the ground floor pause to look up at the two of them as they laugh.*_

 **Lup, at the cult leader:** THAT’s just--fUCKING,  _FEAST BEAST!_  WHAT FUCKIN DUMBASS FUCKING--

 **TAAKO:** THAT’s A--thAT’s the-- oh dammit--so  _STUPID!_

 **Lup:**  You could’ve called it anything! You’ve could named it the Mountain Monstrosity or the Harvest Wraith--

 **Taako:**  No no no, but it’s great though!  _Feast Beast_ , that’s got some sales potential.That one’s real marketable. Okay? Listen-- _*He place his hand on Lup’s shoulder and wheezes.*_ \--listen...We’ve got this cool new horrorterror. It’s really groovey, super hip--it’s gonna be so hip with the kids!

 **Lup, grinning:**  Okay, cool, cool, slide it over, lay it on me. Whatcha got?

 **Taako:**  Okay, okay are you ready for this one....: the Motherfuckin Feast Beast.  _*They both dissolve into laughing fits. The cult members glances at each other sheepishly. The leader waves their staff around, clearly embarrassed.*_

 **Cult Leader:** N-no more mad goofing! BRING THE BEAST IN!  _*There follows a loud ding noise, and everyone’s attention is drawn to Magnus’s speaker in his pants pocket.*_

 **Fantasy Siri:**  Did I hear you say,  _‘Bring the beat in’?_

 **Cult Leader:**  What? No it--  _ **[*Beyonce’s ‘Love on Top’](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob7vObnFUJc)**  immediately starts reverberating around the room. Everyone pauses to listen.*_

 **Cult Leader:**  Fuck it! Get, em.  _*the cult members once again enter into a dizzying frenzy of robed bodies, colliding with everyone on the table. Two cultists run toward the ladder leading to the edge.*_

 **Taako:**  Ango, can you tell if there’s another exit outta this place?

 **Angus** : If we had gone down the passage we came, it would’ve been a long hike up, but I’m pretty sure, judging this room and it’s relation to the passages.. we could access it closer at.... _*He scans the room. His arm extends over to a small doorway, almost opposite their initial entrance.*_  ...A bit further out there most likely opens out to the mountain side, maybe a mile south of the actual lodge.

 **Taako:**  Excellent, uh...  _*the camera follows his eyes, caning the side of the wall. A large, heavy, metal chain hangs loosely over the ledge, the other end connected to the ceiling, were it meets the chain hanging the chandelier. Taako snaps his fingers*_  Lulu, how fast can you take out those lights?

 **Lup, grinning:** Faster than swiping someone else’s credit card! 

 **Taako:**  Alright then, Ango take this.  _*The frame moves close to Angus and the boy turns it around to face Taako.*_ Stay Here until it clears up a bit down there. And get some good footage for me!

 **Angus:**  On it sir! * _Taako stands up and cups his hands*_

 **Taako:**  Magnus!  _*Magnus is seen looking up at the three of them. Taako waves his arms*_  On the word, gimme those fat beats!

 **Magnus:**  On it! He reaches for his phone and makes a few decisive taps.  _*Lup grabs at the chain, yanks it couple of times to judge it’s carrying capacity.*_

 **Taako, grabbing the top part of the ladder:**  Now!  _*The sound of the **[Ghostbusters 2016 Theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze8ONZ--AQI)**  kicks in, gently reverberating into the air before dramatically pounding into the brick walls and echoing hellishly into every open passageway._

_*The frame follows Lup as she swings toward the large chandelier. Her landing causes it to shudder violently, blowing out many of the lights and grabbing everyone's attention from below.  As she kicks out the remaining candles, the camera shifts to catch Barry taking the opportunity to elbow the two cultists holding him. _Davenport runs over to Barry and helps break him out of his bindings.*__

_*Kravitz brings his pipe into an upward swing. A nearby cult member gets caught in the arch and it sent flying across the room. Lucretia delivers an abrupt swing to another, knocking them into a second member._ _Merle grabs a fork and a knife from the scattered cutlery, charging at whoever is unfortunate to come near.*_

 _*Taako _practically slides down the ladder_ , kicking at the first cultist that is halfway up. The figure falls and lands on top of the one below them. Taako takes the chance to jump and land on top of both of them. At the same time, Lup leaps from the chandelier and lands tactfully on another confused cultist, knocking them out cold. _ _She quickly turns to Barry*_

 **Lup:**  Babe!  _*She extends her arms to him. He smiles and reaches out towards her as well*_

 **Barry, chuckling:** Hey!  _*They fall into each other's arms and share a warm kiss--unperturbed by the chaos, loud music, and violent fighting still ensuing around them. It is a touching moment.*_

 **Merle, ducking under the table:** That's really sweet, but we could really use some help!  

 **Lup and Barry:**  Right!  _*Lup grabs a nearby chair and swings it at a cultist. Barry grabs another one from behind and wrestles them to the ground. The music continues as, one by one, the cult is taken down. Lup _looks up at Magnus and give a thumbs up*__

 **Lup:**  Shit Mags, you said that thing had some fat beats. But these beats are thick as fuck!

 **Magnus, grinning widely:**  I only deal in the best!  _*They return to fighting*_

 _*_ _ _Taako runs around the rim of the ledge, yanking the lower torches and candelabras and tossing them to the floor._ With the last torch blown out, the chamber is cloaked in darkness, shuddering as the beats of the music from the speaker continue to resonate and amplify. The cult members panic, unable to see or hear where their attackers are coming from.*_ 

 **Magnus:**  You hanging in there Ango!

 **Angus, still on the ledge:** I’m okay sir, but I can’t see a thing!

 **Lup:**  You guys don’t have dark vision? Fucking EVOLVE.

 **Taako:**  You guys out here evolving? Lmao ASCEND.

_*The music from the speaker comes to an end. A menacing howl erupts through the chamber, far closer and louder than before. Everyone stops and listens. Lup reflexively turns on her flashlight and aims it through the open chamber. There is nothing visible coming through it. The sound lowers, but continues on, drawing closer.*_

**Cult Leader, laughing menacingly:**  You’re too late! The beast approaches! It blesses it’s children with it’s presence! Are you with me my brothers? THE BEAST. THE BEAST!  _*There is a chorus of weak moans, cursing, and harsh coughing, followed by one or two voices says ‘the beast, the beast.’*_

 **Cultist #2:** Uh, boss? I think we’re gonna need to enact plan B if we wanna take out these bozos

 **Cultist #5:**  Yeah, I agree. I don’t know if the beast will get here soon enough to, ya know, wipe ‘em all out and whatnot.

 **Davenport:**  Give up now and and no one else will get hurt!

 **Cult Leader:**  Ugh! Fuck-ing-just. _*to the other cultists*_ Go to the Valve! 

 **Cultists:**  We got it boss! _*There is a shuffling of feet*_

 **Cult Leader:**  Fear the hand that fate has dealt you, foes! You’ll regret rolling in on our turf. Let the water flow from the pipes!

_*The water does not flow from the pipes. No water is flowing from any of the pipes in the chamber, but there is the sound of gushing water heading towards the room anyway. through both entryways, water travels along the floor, drenching the broken furniture and unconscious bodies laying around. Kravtiz, Magnus, and Lucretia all look at the rusty pipes in their hands*_

**The three of them:**  Oh shit.

 **The rest of the ipre:**  Oh  _shit._

 **The cult:**   _OH SHIT!_

_*Water GUSHES into the room with uncontrollable force from the passage way that the group first entered. There is not enough of it to knock anything relatively heavy over, but with the center of the room being the lowest point, everyone registers that this chamber is going to fill up fast without intervention.*_

**Cult leader, to the others:**  Go turn that fucker off! Turn it off right now! FUCK!  _*The sound of gushing continues*_

 **Cultist #1:**  Boss it won’t stop!

 **Cultist #4:**  The pipes! I think some of them have busted!

 **Cult Leader:**  Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

 **Lup, waving her flashlight around:**  We gotta bounce!  _*She leaps off the crumpled remains of the table and throws a final hit at a cult member*_

 **Barry:** This way!  _*He motions to a different exit towards the back of the chamber. Taako is seen running toward the ladder. He looks up at Angus and extends his arms.*_

 **Taako:**  Let’s go Agnes!  _*The camera shudders as Angus quickly climbs down the ladder. A few cultists scramble to grab up their brethren and move them out of the flowing water. Lucretia and Kravitz knock the rest of them out before following Lup and barry. Davenport and Merle corner the leader, the water, now at a third of a meter, is slowing their feet.*_

 **Cult Leader:**  Wait! Hold on! We can sort this out--  _*Magnus grabs the cult leader by the hem of their rob and, with a decisive punch, knocks them the fuck out. The camera bounces as Taako grabs Agnus from the ladder and carries him through the water toward the others.*_

 **Taako:**  Grab the kid!  _*Magnus takes a hold of Angus, who is still holdign the camera.*_  I’ll be taking this!  _*Taako yanks the staff out of the unconscious cult leader’s hand and plucks the red gem out of the top.*_

_*There is a crazed roar heard from the opposite chamber. There is a discouraging rumbling sound. The water pours in harder. Davenport motions at them frantically.*_

**Davenport:** Go! Go! Go!  _*The three of them run out. the frame wiggles as Magnus, still holding Angus in his arms, runs desperately up a slight inclining tunnel. Lup, holding her flashlight, aims ahead of them. Everyone splashes desperately through the water. The frame turns from the front to the back, as we see something dark and big enter the chamber, splashing the water violently.The group turns around a corner, leaving the chamber behind.*_

_*There is a click, and the camera turns off*_


	7. 1:00am: Out of the Night that Covers Me

_*There is a click, and the camera turns on*_

_*The tunnel is shrouded in darkness, and filled with the sound of sopping wet footsteps. Everyone moves like tired silhouettes.*_

**Taako:** This is my last set of batteries so we better make the most of them.  _*He turns the camera around to face a shadowed figure*_  What’ the scoop, Lup?

 **Lup, barely visible:**  Well, it’s fucking dark, natch. We’re all out of breath. Ango and Cap’n Port are leading the charge on getting us out of here. The ground is still heckin’ wet but at least we’re not at risk of drowning. My good adventuring jeans are ruined.  _*she sighs*_  I could really go for a sauna right now.

 **Barry:**  We’re close to another exit. I saw the tunnel that led to it when they dragged me back to one of the holding rooms. We have to go up a bit before we go down.

 **Taako:** _*Spinning the camera to two are figures behind him.*_  Any sign of any more cult boys?

 **Kravtiz:**  None so far.

 **Magnus:** We did a pretty good number on those guys.

 **Lucretia:** We’re not in the clear yet.  _*As if to answer her statement, a faint, rumbling howl carries its way through the open tunnel. They all carefully pick up their pace.*_

 **Lup:** Listen, if we have to take off running again, you can bet your shirts I’m not going to be the one in the fucking back.

 **Taako:**  $2 Merle get’s left behind and gets fuckin’ eaten.

 **Merle, frowning:** You wouldn’t leave you’re old buddy Merle to be an appetizer to some underground beastie thing, now wouldja?

 **Magnus:** The idea is all too tempting, Dad.

 **Taako:** I’d bet a higher amount but there’s no wood to knock on in case my luck needs a boost.

 **Davenport:**  Enough with the bets!  _*There is a gross, curdled roar coming from behind. This one is more furious and unearthly than the ones before it. Large, sopping wet footsteps sound dangerously close.*_

 **Kravtiz:**  Bloody hell!  _*They all start running again. Up ahead lay two more tunnels, forking in opposite directions.*_

 **Lucretia:**  Split! Stick to the left and double back when the close is clear.

_*Magnus, Angus, Lup, and Barry go down the right. Lucretia, Taako, Merle, Davenport, and Kravtiz take the left path. The camera loses all focus as the five of them run for their lives. The audio is garble as the sound of the Thing follows down their direction and gets closer and closer.*_

**Davenport:** Fuck this shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

_*They take a sharp left around a corner, and are surprisingly greeted by Magnus waving at them frantically from further down. As soon they’re within a few meters of him, the camera focuses to see Angus is waving as well, from an open space in the ceiling. Magnus kneels and extends his hands.*_

**Magnus:**  Everyone up!  _*Davenport reaches Magnus first, his small frame is effortlessly grabbed and lifted into the opening. Angus grabs his hands and pulls him through. Lucretia and Merle follow. The camera shakes as Taako is lifted, and the rest follow one by one. The space they climb into is smaller but just as wide as the tunnel. Lup, and Barry are already inside, helping Kravtiz get pulled through. They all crouch around the open and look down to where Magnus is standing.*_

 **Lucretia:**  Hurry Magnus!  _*Magnus leaps up and grabs the edge of the grate opening with both hands. Everyone grabs onto his arms and strain to pull him up. His large frame is barely able to squeeze through. He rolls onto Lucretia and Lup with ungraceful clamber.*_

_*They freeze as the tunnel is filled with the familiar, low rumbling noise. As it moves closer, it becomes ravenous and unsteady. Everyone holds their breath, ducking out of sight. The camera is aimed at the opening. The screen blurs, failing to focus properly. The Thing pauses, breathing heavily, before releasing a sound like the mix of a howl and a moan. Water splashes in discordant fashion. Nobody above moves or breathes.*_

_*The Thing passes, slowly. It’s aching trembles reverberate off the hallways. There follow ten minutes of silence, which is broken by Merle slumping over onto his elbows.*_

**Merle:** I’m too old for this.

 **Lup:** What. The fucketh. Was that??

 **Angus, sitting up:**  Hhhm, based on passages from the cryptozoology book that Mr. Barry let me borrow, that creature appears to be a real like incarnation of The White Thing--A mountain cryptid local to these parts. 

 **Barry:**  Shit.  _*He runs his hands through his hair in thought. The camera is set on the ground of the crawl space. Taako leans back, exasperated.*_

 **Angus:** Also known as a devil dog. It’s said to take a variety of forms, but most commonly seen as a large, white wolf. 

 **Taako:**  But there’s no fucking way that thing should be real?? And in an underground tunnel? Wouldn’t it be out in the woods snatching campers or some shit?

 **Barry:** Those harvest moon bastards might have engineered it to look like that. They had the money and seclusion to do it. 

 **Kravitz:**  Are we going to keep traveling through the tunnels?

 **Barry:** I’ll argue against that. It’s a death-seeking beast. If it catches sight of us it’ll kill us instantly, there’s almost no cover down there.  _*There’s a length of quiet passing over the group. Taako folds his arms*_

 **Taako:**  Fuck this shit, I’m out.

 **Lucretia:**  Does anyone want to offer up a solution for how to get out of this predicament?

 **Davenport:** Set up a couple of flashlights down the opposite tunnel of where we’re going to distract it?

 **Angus:** Light won’t affect it, sir. It doesn’t have eyes.

 **Merle:**  What do you mean it doesn’t have eyes???

 **Angus:**  When we were separated a while back ago, I saw it passing by one of the tunnels. From what I could tell, it just has a snout and a big mouth on it’s face. Given that, it might be tracking us by our scents.

 **Lup:** But the tunnel floors are soaking wet. That should be affecting our smell somehow?

 **Barry:** Not if it can sense heat like my infrared could.

 **Lucretia:**  Uh, guys? 

 **Merle:**  Well, now this is just a fun little predicament we’ve found ourselves in. It was nice knowing you all. *The camera pans over to Kravitz*

 **Taako:**  Krav, babe, when I die in this Pan-forbidden Mountain, don’t let any of these chucklefucks have cent of my money.  _*He pauses*_  ‘Cept Ango. Cuz college fees are a bitch.

 **Kravitz, reaching out to pat Taako’s shoulder:** How charitable.

 **Lucretia:**  Guys, shhhh, I hear something.  _*She points at one end of the crawl-space. The camera pans in that direction. There is a strange purring noise coming from one end. Lup grabs her flash light and shines it. A raccoon is caught in the blinding light, screeching angrily before scurrying further down.*_

 **Taako:**  The fuck?

 **Davenport:**  if that raccoon must've gotten in here through some opening to the outside. If we follow it through this space, we might be able to exit the mountain.

 **Merle:**  But what if we end up stepping through it’s...you, know...droppings or something.

 **Lup, sighing:**  Either deal we with raccoon shit, or be turned into shit. Take your pick, I’ve had enough of this place. 

_*Angus stands up. The small ceiling just barely brushes the top of his cap. Davenport rise as well. He scratches his face in thought.*_

**Davenport:** This is possibly the best we can do given the circumstances. The cult is already out of commission. We need to get out asap and work our way down the mountain without getting caught by that...Thing.

 **Merle:**  Man I was really looking forward to making some s’mores and maybe singing some mountain songs.

 **Lup:**  When we get home I’m setting the biggest bonfire.

 **Magnus:**  I just wanna say, despite all the near death experiences, this was really fun and I’m glad we could all do this together.

 **Lucretia, chuckling:**  Thank you, Magnus.

_*There is a crumbling sound, and a brick gives out. The structure collapses below them, sending them screaming. The frame land with a thud and loses focus. Everyone groans despite falling a surprisingly short distance into a small chamber. As the screen re-focuses, we can see that this one looks a bit newer, and more wooden in structure than the rest of the passages. Rats and insects scatter in terror. Taako slowly gets up and grabs the camera, turning it around to face everyone else. Lucretia rubs her shoulder while Magnus rubs the back of his head. Kravitz helps Barry to his feet while Merle wiggles his legs to make sure they’re not broken. The rest cough from kicked up dust.*_

**Taako:** You all still down for some mountain songs?  _*Lup flips him off. The camera turns away and studies the cobwebs mastering the corners of the ceiling. On one side of the chamber there is the familiar opening to a tunnel. One the other is what appears to be an abnormally large sewer grate. Cracks between the grate and the wall reveal tiny streams of moonlight.*_

 **Lucretia:**  We have to get this thing open right now!

_*There is a rumble from deep within the tunnel. They all pause. Barry aims his flashlight at the sound. It is heard again. They all scramble onto their feet. Magnus presses his weight against the grate. Dust and old paint give way, but it barely moves.*_

**Taako, whispering:**  Fucking hell.

_*Barry joins in the push, and then everyone else. There is a loud, rusty creaking noise, and the the grate falls open suddenly with a metal clang. A flood of moonlight pours through, momentarily blinding them. Everyone covers their eyes, but they quickly recover to see look behind them. The sound of the grate falling carries a short distance into the tunnel behind them. The rumbling grows closer. They look down a short meter drop from the open grate. Lup is the first to jump down.*_

**Lup:**  I can see the trail from here! It’s about a kilometer away!  _*One by one they climb out of the grate and into the open air. It’s a bit chilly out, and a few of them rub their arms for warmth. The burning harvest moon hangs pleasantly in the sky, no longer ominous. It’s the middle of the night, and the mountain woods sing with wildlife.*_

_*They all move briskly through the woods, jumping over changes in jutting rocks. The terrain is a bit unforgiving. There are a few hitches: First Merle trips over an exposed tree root, and then Barry gets his face caught in a spiderweb. Taako snickers, but otherwise remains quiet for the next few minutes. Everyone looks in every possible direction for danger.*_

**Magnus, whispering:**  Anyone got any snacks? or maybe some water.  _*They tiredly all shake their heads.*_

 **Lucretia:**  We did lose a lot of stuff back in the tunnels. We’ll have to do a pretty thorough search of the mountain once we inform law enforcement.

 **Kravitz:**  What is that up there?  _*He points forward a few meters. They all pause as Lup and Barry shine flashlights in that direction. They come upon a particularly odd cluster of bushes and trees. Deep cuts are etched into the bark. Small hoops made from red-dyed twigs hang from twine, with is noticeably tied to the lower limbs of the tree.*_

 **Lup:**  Probably more of that cult’s bullshit.

 **Barry:**  Hold on a sec. _*He side steps a few meters, keeping the aim of the flashlight toward the strange cluster of trees. The camera turns as everyone follows his line of view.  The cuts in the trees slowly form an image. Their ragged style form the outline of some large, ugly creature.*_

 **Angus, voice low:**  The White Thing.  _*A howl is heard, and everyone flinches. The howl is met with a chorus of other howls. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief*_

 **Davenport:**  Most likely wolves. That’s a good sign, but still a dangerous. We need to keep going.  _*The howling is cut off by a panic whimper. There is an ugly, growling, and the sound of birds flapping away in flurried panic. A lower, now familiar rumble is heard. A handful of meters away, the trees can be seen waving frantically.*_

 **Lup:**  Fuck it’s that thing again!  _*They all take off running down the steep ledge*_

 **Merle:**  Shit! I’m caught in a bush! Help!

 **Magnus:**  Damn it, you Old Coot! _*He turns back and yanks Merle out of the shrubbery, keeping the dwarf tucked tightly under his arms as he continues downhill. The woods around them shuffle as every considerable living being runs to escape the horror that is approaching. The group all come to a sharp ledge, overlooking a rapid stream lined with slippery rocks. They stop with panting breaths to assess the situation.*_

 _ **Taako:**  _Fuuucking--FUCK! 

 **Lucretia:** We'd twist an ankle or worse if we try to cross that in this darkness.

 **Barry:** I don’t think we have a lot of options here. 

 **Merle:**  Listen, I’ll take a bum leg over getting to mauled to death!

 **Lup:** Wait, Magnus! Your speaker! Do you still have it?  _*Magnus nods and pulls it out of his pocket. Lup grabs it and sets it in a nearby tree.*_ I’ll get you a new one, I promise. I need you to play the loudest song you have.

 **Magnus, beaming:**  I know just the one.  _*He turns the volume on the speaker all the way up. Lup grabs at nearby yearling tree and pulls it back. She looks up at the camera.*_

 **Lup:**  Care to lend a hand bro?

 **Taako:**  Way ahead of ya! _*The camera is passed onto Angus. The expression of worry etches over his little face. Taako’s hand comes into frame as he ruffles his hair.*_  Head downstream and don’t stop, okay?

 **Magnus, queuing a new song:**  Want us to lend a hand?  _*Taako snaps a few dead branches over his knee. Lup shakes her head.*_

 **Lup:** Fewer people up here, the better. We’ll be right behind you.

 **Davenport, waving:**  Let’s move!

 _*The camera shudders as they continue one. They come upon a footpath running alongside the river and follow it._  As they _hurry downstream, the forest seems to open up, birds fly overhead, and silhouettes of deer pass by. In the distance, from where they left the twins, the sound of **‘[2008 The Dark Knight Theme’](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGx5a1ifSDs) **is heard echoing throughout the mountain. The White Thing’s presence is painfully clear, and everything in nature is trying to escape. A tangle of large tree roots arch over the stream--a means of crossing.*_

_*Magnus pauses at the river and motions for everyone to climb across. Kravitz gets over it first, followed by Angus. As Kravitz helps Angus down, the camera shakily shifts up, and we _ _see Taako and Lup deftly following down the footpath, quite a few meters behind the rest of the group. Magnus waves at them, waiting for everyone to get over before crossing himself.*___

**Lucretia, hopping off the roots:** _It’s over there!_

____*There is a roar from further up. The camera snaps to a point in the forest where a shadowed figure looms in the trees. The camera loses focus as another roar echos, and the sound of music from the speaker stops._  I_n the light harvest moon, we get a blurred image of the thing. It’s is white, but covered in dirt and slogged sewer water. Even with the frame focusing, it’s difficult to get a good look at it due to the surrounding trees. Lup and Taako  _scuffle dangerously on the roots, Magnus coming close behind.__ _

___*The trees surrounding The Thing suddenly concave and then flex, sending the creature a several meters back into the heavy shrubbery. Lup and Taako high five each other as they hop down and everyone picks their pace back up.*_ _ _

**Lup:** That saved us a few minutes!

 **Lucretia:**  Let’s not count our chickens before they’ve hatched! 

 **Angus, handing Taako the camera:** Here you go, sir!  _*The camera is tucked under Taako’s arm, aimed at the river they had just crossed moments before. The frame shifts too much for the camera too focus. The discordant shapes of people running is all that can be seen. Everyone breathes heavily as they run for what seems like the millionth time that night.*_

 **Barry:**  What kind of trap did the two of you set?

 **Lup:**  One designed for a very, very big rabbit!

_*Another roar is heard, but it sounds very, very far away. The ground here levels out a great deal. But there are stick rocks jutting out and small dips in the ground here and there. The frame shudders suddenly and falls, landing in a pile of leaves.*_

**Taako, from a distace:**  Shit, my camcorder! I dropped it!

 **Davenport:**  Leave it, we can’t afford to stop!

 **Taako, farther off:**  Dammit!  _*The sound or their running footsteps pounding into the earth slowly fade away.*_

_*As the frame refocuses, we see nothing but leaves, and dirt, and an open expanse of woodland. An ominous figure slowly comes into frame several meters away, too formless to make out. After a pause, it then turns, and lumbers away. After a few minutes, the camera makes a beeping noise. There is a click, and the camera turns off.*_

 

 

_*There is a click and the camera turns on. The screen blurs with dim, morning light. _There is the loud chorus of early morning birds._ A hand appears in the frame, and the camera shifts as it is lifted up from the foliage. Davenport’s face comes into focus as her peers into the lens.*_

**Davenport:**  Hey, I found it! And it still works.

 **Taako, distantly:** Thank fuckin’ errbody in the sky, I guess. That camera was worth a pretty penny

 **Lup, also distant:**  Did you buy it?

 **Taako:** Hell no. Won it in a game of gin rummy.

_*As Davenport aims the camera at the direction of the others, it’s clear to see that everyone looks very worse for wear. _There is an assortment of scratches, bandaged cuts and large bruises._ From the knees down their pant legs and shoes soaking wet and ragged. They are all leaning against each other and yawning. Angus is perched on Kravitz’s back, completely asleep. Visible in the background are a handful of policemen and a park ranger investigating the scene.*_

**Lucretia, a walkie talkie up to her ear:** The van has arrived guys. Let’s go home.  _*They all nod in agreement. Taako gives the camera a weak thumbs up.*_

_*There is a click, and camera clicks off*_

 

 

_*There is a click, and the camera turns on*_

**Davenport:**  I think that’s everything.

_*The frame turns around and we see everyone huddled together, sleeping softly in the van. Taako and Kravitz are curled up against each other. Lucretia and Angus are tucked neatly into Magnus’ large arms. Merle is sprawled across the backseat, a few leaves and twigs sticking out of him. The frame turns to see Barry in the driver’s seat, with Lup sitting in the passenger's side, leaned over onto his shoulder. She’s also deeply sleeping. Barry gives the camera a tired smile, before turning back around and starting up the engine. The camera turns back around to Davenport’s face and he gives it a knowing grin.*_

**Davenport:**  This is your captain speaking. All crew members are present and accounted for. We’ll be home soon. Signing off.

_*There is a click, and the camera turns off.*_

_\-- the end.--_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY DONE LADS! Thank you to everyone who was willing to go on this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun writing this and I look forward to hopefully writing more in the future! You can catch me on my tumblr: www.tumblr.com/herbgerblin. I make art and post about TAZ/mcelroy things. The art in this fic was drawn by me. Thank you so much!


	8. Epilogue

-The crew was treated to an all expenses paid trip to a nearby, definitely not haunted, cursed, or abandoned mountain lodge for a week.

-Davenport immediately went on a riverboat tour to decompress from the arduous mission.

-Garfield the deals warlock Bought the lodge and is using it for reasons that the crew legally cannot divulge.

-He tried to convince Taako to give up the taped recordings of what was witnessed there, but Taako and Magnus (because they care a great deal about their IP) pointed out that their non-disclosure agreement said nothing pertaining to information gathered during their contracted mission, so Taako kept the tapes to make into a lovely little documentary.

-Taako ask Lucretia to put the documentary together because he can’t edit for shit. Angus was the narrator.

-Lup made the biggest bonfire known to man and was politely asked by the lodge staff to quell it before it became an extreme fire hazard.

-Barry (with Magnus’s help) constructed a device to make multiple s'mores at once. Taako invented the recipe. They came out perfect. Everyone at the lodge got to enjoy them.

-Taako and Kravitz chilled out in the hot tub. Lup and Barry wanted in. The twins ended up in a two hour long argument about calling dibs. Eventually Kravitz and Barry got up and headed to the steam room.

-Merle told some ghost stories. They were poorly narrated and not at all scary, but everyone still jumped when they heard the sound of howling in the distance. They know The Thing is still out there.

-It’s still out there.

**Author's Note:**

> YOoooooo! Took me forever and a day to get this bad boy on here, but its here now, and if you enjoyed it thtne please check out my Art/Taz blog over at www.herbgerblin.tumblr.com. YEET


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